“Life is very simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”
Confucius
This article is about a few mistakes I made.
About some destructive habits that can make life quite messy and unhappy.
And it’s about what you can do instead to replace those mistakes and habits with something better.
This article is all about uncovering simplicity when you notice you’ve overcomplicated your life.
1. Stop overthinking things.
Few habits and mistakes are as common as getting stuck in overthinking.
I always did it.
And it led to a lot of analysis paralysis, to little action on what I wanted deep down, and to so much wasted time and energy.
What you can do instead:
Set short deadlines.
When you have all the time in the world to think about something, it can often lead to you spending a lot of time thinking about the situation from every conceivable angle.
I’ve found that learning to set short deadlines is very helpful with this, even though it takes some practice.
So for small decisions, like whether to do the dishes or exercise, I usually give myself 30 seconds or less to make a decision.
For some bigger decisions that in the past I had to think about for days or weeks, I set a deadline of 30 minutes or the end of the work day.
Say stop in a situation where you know you can’t think straight.
I know that I am more vulnerable to negative thinking and overthinking when I am hungry or near bedtime.
And so I learned not to think about anything important during that time.
And when such negative thoughts do arise, I say to myself: No, no, we are not going to think about this now.
Because I know that if I just eat or sleep a little, I will be able to think clearly and optimistically again.
I highly recommend finding your own situation(s) when you are more vulnerable to overthinking or pessimism. And to catch yourself in such moments and refocus your thoughts.
2. Stop making your daily work busier and more complicated than it needs to be.
It’s very easy to get stuck in the same old rut at work or school. To spend your hours there as you usually do and as most other people do.
With a lot of time spent on busy work, procrastination and stress on the weekend or just before a deadline.
What you can do instead:
Take a breath and discover what really matters in the long run.
First, sit down and take a few deep breaths to relax and focus your mind.
Then ask yourself: what is the most important thing I can do today?
When you ask yourself this question, think about what would be most important in the long run. Find just that one task.
Get started on that one task.
If you struggle to take action and fall into procrastination, go smaller.
Tell yourself: I will only work on this task for 2 minutes.
Make it so easy for yourself to get started that there is little or no inner resistance in your mind.
Because when you’re just starting out, in my experience it’s pretty easy to keep going for a while and make a real dent in the task or even complete it.
3. Stop overcomplicating your relationships.
The fun, excitement and joy in any relationship can often be greatly diminished by simple and common thinking errors.
Two such mistakes I’ve made too many times in the past are trying to read minds and getting caught up in creating drama.
What you can do instead:
To ask.
Trying to read minds usually ends in creating nightmare scenarios in your own mind.
Because mind reading is virtually impossible, so it’s very easy to project your own worst fears onto what this person might be thinking.
So instead, start cultivating the habit of being more direct. Develop the habit of asking and communicating more clearly to better understand each other.
Question your own drama.
There can be some temporary pleasure or excitement in creating drama and making something bigger or more negative than it is.
This is often the case in the short term, and even more so in the long term quite destructive.
So start questioning your own drama.
Ask yourself:
Will this still matter in 5 years? Or even within 5 weeks?
Before you start creating and spreading drama among the people in your life, ask.
Of course, the problem may still need to be addressed, but simplify it to what it really is before doing so to avoid unnecessary conflict, anger, and hurt feelings.
And don’t forget to question the drama of others by asking yourself the same question.
Just because they want to create drama doesn’t mean you should get sucked into it.
