“When one door to happiness closes, another opens, but often we look at the closed door for so long that we don’t see the one that has been opened for us.”
Helen Keller
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.”
Mahatma Gandhi
Live a life where you are happier and kinder to yourself is not just about what you can do.
But also about what you already do. And especially those habits that have a negative and unhappy impact on your life.
That’s why I’d like to share 9 such habits with you this week. And what really helped me to do something instead.
1. Stop overthinking.
Overthinking can make any problem seem bigger and scarier than it really is. It can hold you back in life and in taking action.
What you can do instead:
Set short deadlines for decisions.
For example, for small decisions, like whether to do laundry, write a new article, or exercise, I usually give myself 30 seconds or less to make a decision.
For some bigger decisions that in the past I had to think about for days or weeks, I set a deadline of 30 minutes or at least the end of the work day.
Keep a simple reminder that you can’t avoid seeing every day.
A note that said “Keep things extremely simple” on the whiteboard that I saw many times every day helped me tremendously – over time – to minimize my overthinking.
2. Stop swimming in the sea of the most negative voices.
Our happiness is strongly influenced by the people and other resources around us.
If you are swimming in a sea of negative people and information that drags you into fear, frustration and powerlessness, it will limit your life.
What you can do instead:
Find out what the biggest time wasters and energy drains are among all the things that influence you.
- Which 1-2 people drag you and your thoughts down the most?
- What 1-2 other sources, such as blogs, forums, books, magazines, social media channels, and TV shows, have the greatest negative impact?
Write down those answers. Then think about which 1-2 people and 1-2 other sources make you most happier about yourself and life.
Make a decision to spend less time on the two to four negative sources and spend the time you now have free on the positive influences you mentioned.
3. Stop getting stuck in the past or the future.
Spending too much time in the past usually leads to you rehashing old mistakes or failures and wishing you could go back and do something about them.
And spending too much time thinking about the future usually leads to worry and building monsters and nightmare scenarios in your head.
What you can do instead:
Spend more time in the present moment. You will feel lighter, things will feel easier and you will be more alert to appreciate the little miracles of everyday life.
Reconnect with what is happening now by simply sitting and being still. Then either:
- Just breathe. Spend a few minutes focusing on just your breath going in and out.
- Focus only on what is happening around you at the moment. Do it with all your senses. Listen, see, smell and feel what is happening in your little part of the world right now.
4. Stop setting the bar for happiness too high.
A common mistake I made was setting the bar too high for my own happiness.
And so, I usually only felt happy when I accomplished something great, when I did something perfectly, or when something unexpected and miraculous happened.
However, you don’t have to wait for those rare occasions to feel happy.
What you can do instead:
Tell yourself this when you get out of bed in the morning:
Today I will keep the bar for happiness low.
To remember this, consider writing it down on a note or on your smartphone so you see it first thing in the morning.
By doing this, you will take fewer things for granted. Your attention will naturally be more focused on what is happening in your daily life and you will be more grateful for the things that happen there.
Like the food, the weather, hanging out with a friend or pet for a while, the small gestures of kindness and the little moments that pass so quickly.
Anyway, this is my experience with this habit. And it hasn’t diminished my drive to achieve or get things done.
Instead, it has made everyday life easier. And the path to what I want to achieve is a happier path to walk.
5. Stop comparing yourself to other people.
Comparing yourself to other people can easily become a destructive and depressing daily habit.
You compare relationships, cars, careers, bodies and houses and in the end your self-esteem is low and you feel like a failure while the negativity buzzes in your head like a swarm of annoying bees.
What you can do instead:
Compare yourself to yourself. Just see:
And don’t forget to celebrate the small successes and steps forward.
This habit will help you see yourself from a kinder and more helpful perspective, where you feel more energized as you appreciate the steps you’ve taken on your journey.
Instead of feeling exhausted and powerless to keep growing and pursuing what you want in life.
6. Stop doing things too quickly.
If you go fast almost all the time while walking, talking, driving, or working, you tend to feel more stressed.
Your focus becomes more easily fragmented and it becomes more difficult to think clearly.
What you can do instead:
Slow down. Walk, talk, move, drive and work slower. While you do that:
- The stress in your body and mind will drift away.
- You will naturally be more in the moment.
- You enjoy all the smells, sights, sounds and experiences of life even more.
7. Stop pushing away how you feel deep inside.
It’s one thing to focus on what’s positive in life.
But it’s another thing to try to push away the feelings you have deep inside about something.
And it usually doesn’t lead to happiness, even if you try to raise a smile and enforce positivity.
What you can do instead:
Write it down or talk it out.
Don’t force positive thinking. If you have negative feelings or thoughts that keep popping up over and over again, take a moment to think about them.
A pen and paper or a journal on your computer can help you think more clearly. Or you can talk about it with someone close to you.
Make a little plan.
After you’ve accepted and processed how you think and feel about this, write down a small plan—maybe just a few steps—that will help you take action to get yourself out of this situation and onto something better.
And then get to work and get the ball rolling by taking the first small, practical step forward.
8. Stop spending too little energy and attention on what is really important to you.
It’s easy to get lost and waste a lot of your day and week.
About things you might just do out of habit or because you think you should. About busy work or about things that are honestly not that important to you.
What you can do instead:
Keep your priorities in check. Focus on what really matters to YOU.
Ask yourself: what are the 4 most important things in my life this year?
Maybe it’s your family. Or take up your hobby and become a better photographer. Or your health and getting into shape. Or an important project at work or in your own company.
Sit down, really think about it and boil things down to the essentials.
Then grab a pen and a small piece of paper and write down only your top 4 priorities for this year.
Put that note somewhere where you can’t avoid seeing it every day. Like in your workspace. Or next to your bathroom mirror or on your refrigerator.
This will help you keep your focus on track every day.
9. Stop waiting for someone else to make you happier.
Don’t make the common mistake of waiting for someone else to create the week, month and year you want. That usually leads to a lot of waiting and frustration.
What you can do instead:
Be proactive. Let the ball get rolling yourself. Take action and take the first small step forward by making the changes you want to make to create the life you want to live.
- Plan a coffee date or an evening in the pub with the most positive people in your life.
- Set the bar for happiness low as you jump in the morning or drag yourself out of bed and go slow today.
- Sit down tonight and write those four most important things for you this year.
And when things feel hard and you start to procrastinate, remember that you can always take smaller steps forward.
Do whatever it takes to reduce that mental barrier and get you back into action or back into action.
