Tori Spelling is in tears over her first wedding anniversary without Dean McDermott

“It’s May, guys. It’s a huge month for me,” she said, listing their anniversary on May 7, her birthday on May 16 and Mother’s Day. “I would always say, ‘Hey, buddy. Sorry, you’re screwed. You actually have three Tori days to do in May.'”

It wasn’t until a friend joked that he could cross her anniversary with McDermott off his calendar that she remembered the special day.

“I hadn’t thought about that yet. May 7 will be just another day from now on,” Spelling said in her podcast. “That hit me. I thought, ‘Wow, yeah, wow,’ I mean, obviously, I filed for divorce. We’re getting divorced, but I hadn’t thought about that yet.”

The actress recalled that she would “always make something for Dean on our wedding day.”

“Homemade equals love,” Spelling added. “Whether that is in the past, present or future, I will continue to do so.” She began listing the arts and crafts she had created for McDermott over the years, which broke her mind.

One year she made him a bench with the phrase “I want to grow old with you” engraved on it.

“I conveniently block it out because it hurts,” Spelling explained, adding that she was “inspired by those old couples sitting on a bench.”

“At the end of the day, he, I and our children are a family unit. He is their father, regardless of whether we are married,” the star told her listeners. “Well, I’m not going to grow old with him.”

Spell continued to get emotional, saying, “Oh my god, guys, it’s not about me every week, like, ‘Oh I’m Tori, I’m alone and single!’ Or it could be, I mean, I don’t know.”

“Oh my god, I’m crying, I have feelings, look at that. She exists!” she said.