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Gisele Divorce, Gronk and more




Gisele Divorce, Gronk and more

It was a long night for Tom Brady during his live Netflix comedy roast, as it was for the rest of us watching from home.

Starting with a bloody OJ Simpson jersey and ending with Tom Brady smashing an iPhone on stage, the Netflix live event, “The Greatest Roast of All-Time: Tom Brady,” honored the seven-time Super Bowl champion and modern-day legend faced his biggest challenge yet: getting roasted by comedians and his former NFL teammates.

Sometimes hilarious and sometimes a little cringe-worthy, the unedited live event was a long-lasting affair that really made you appreciate the editorial staff at the Comedy Central Roasts. Their job was to summarize the content into a concise, entertaining 60-minute presentation. Nevertheless, the GOAT’s “joke of the night” came when he addressed Kim Kardashian and referenced her ex-husband Kanye West: “I know Kim was terrified to be here tonight.” Not because of that, but because her children are at home with their father.”

When Kardashian took the stage to toast Brady, she was met with a barrage of audible boos, with Hart coming to her rescue.

In “Greatest Roasts of All Time: Tom Brady,” part of Netflix Is a Joke Fest, the former quarterback, known for his 20 seasons with the New England Patriots and three with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, delivered humorous comments from some of the greatest names. in the field of comedy. Hosted by Kevin Hart and Roastmaster Jeff Ross, the event featured former teammates Julian Edelman, Rob Gronkowski and Drew Bledsoe, as well as stand-up comics Tom Segura, Nikki Glaser, Andrew Schulz, Bert Kreischer, Tony Hinchcliffe, Sam Jay and more.

“We’re here to roast the greatest quarterback of all time,” Hart joked. “Oh, wait, Joe Montana is here?”

A montage of Brady’s accomplishments, starting from his days at the University of Michigan and highlighting his journey to becoming a three-time NFL MVP, set the stage for the evening.

Brady made a grand entrance on a stage surrounded by his former teammates and shouted to the crowd, “Are you guys ready? It’s play time. Let’s go!”

VIP tables, occupied by Chelsea Handler, Jim Gaffigan, Shane Gillis and Netflix executives Ted Sarandos and Bela Bajaria, surrounded the stage, adding to the star-studded atmosphere of the event.

Former teammate “Gronk” took the spotlight with the most curious moments of the evening, providing a sometimes incoherent barrage of jokes that culminated in him smashing a glass on stage, causing it to shatter and shards on nearby tables flew.

Here are some of the best jokes and craziest moments from the special:

  • “This is where Jerry Bus put his dick. This was called the Fucking Forum. –Kevin Hart
  • “Tom took Boston tonight. I’ve never seen Inglewood so white. It looks like a Bruce Springsteen concert that just aired. This used to be the home of the Lakers; now it is home to the Quakers. –Kevin Hart
  • “I’m not here for your support. I’m here for the money. They paid me very well.” –Kevin Hart
  • ‘It’s been two years since Tom got divorced. And Tom has been fucking ever since. Tom put that five-inch tool to work. Tom has fucked so much; his dick got CTE.” –Kevin Hart
  • “Gisele is like Antonio Brown’s plus one here.” –Kevin Hart
  • “You know who else screwed that coach. Gisele. She fucked that karate guy… Eight karate lessons a day, and she still has a white belt? –Kevin Hart
  • “Chelsea Handler is here…. Speaking of black cock, Kim is here tonight.
  • ‘I just came from hell. Aaron Hernandez says hello.” —Jeff Ross
  • “I had to dress like OJ because I’m about to kill this white bitch right here.” —Jeff Ross
  • “You really put the cum in Gisele.” —Jeff Ross
  • “You look like a vampire who only drinks almond blood.” —Jeff Ross
  • “I really wanted Kevin [Hart] to host because it already looks like a deflated football.” —Jeff Ross
  • “If Mark Twain were around today, he would definitely call you an N… a national treasure.” —Jeff Ross
  • “I love you, Dana; you’re like Michael Vick, but with human beings. —Jeff Ross
  • “We’re doing it Boston style tonight. You know it’s going to be a marathon, and someone is going to bomb.” —Jeff Ross
  • “We wanted to roast you in Florida, but because of your governor we couldn’t have called you gay.” —Jeff Ross
  • “I am the best decision your organization has ever made. Would you like a massage?” – Jeff Ross
  • “Why the hell didn’t we cheat while I was there?” – Randy Moss
  • “The only difference between Tom Brady and Hitler is that Hitler stayed with his wife until the end.” —Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer
  • “I love your films, or as I like to call them, short films.” — Nikki Glaser to Kevin Hart
  • “Your ex-wife’s new boyfriend can beat you up while he eats hers.” –Nikki Glaser
  • “That’s why Dana [White] is here so you can learn how to fuck a Brazilian out of half his wallet. Sorry it was a quote from Gisele” — Andrew Schulz
  • “Or as I like to call him, the ex-husband of Leonardo DiCaprio’s ex-girlfriend.” –Julian Edelman
  • “This phase has seen more trauma than a Kennedy on the campaign trail.” —Andreas Schulz
  • “ACL is the only injury Gronk can sustain.” —Andreas Schulz
  • ‘Nikki, who wrote that? Where was that your entire career.” —Tony Hinchcliffe:
  • “your Super Bowl ring is like my strap-on; just because you put it on doesn’t mean it’s real. – Sam Jay

Matt Donnelly contributed to this report.